I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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