So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I think your dad took our porno
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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