people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
