i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
