Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
