so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
