wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
