I faked an abortion last night.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
