So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
