my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
nut hugger
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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