All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
