PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
