The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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