hotel room ftw
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
