My underwear smells like fireworks.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So squirting runs in the family.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
