Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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