she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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