I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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