her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
This is my gift to your gina
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
