just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
