He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
