After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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