dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
