im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
