the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
