Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
