i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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