Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
