Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
