Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
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