Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
