College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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