This girl is more easily done than said...
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
