someone get that fucking seahorse.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
How's work?
Spinning.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
