There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
