Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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