i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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