So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
