I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
