Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
