Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
