I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
