his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
