sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
