some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
