Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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