Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
