On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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