as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
