mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
