New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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