my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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