We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
