I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
